Canada | how's it going, eh?

Oct 3

Jeff’s 2 Day Birthday Festivities

Who get’s to celebrate his birthday for an entire weekend? Jeff does. He’s 45 y’all.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1ST – Jeff’s actual birth date

A present from yours truly.

Tobin’s new chapeau. All the rage with the kids.

Bent plywood magazine side table/stool!!! How moderne!!!!

Later, I had Matt + Tobin help me with some decorations for Jeff’s birthday party for the next night. It was a group collaboration, not without a couple creative differences. We had to stop every once in a while + re-group with a board meeting. Serious teamwork.

That evening, I took Jeff to Deep Cove to have dinner at a great restaurant called Arms Reach Bistro. It was tasty + stylish without being pretentious – so very Canadian!!!!

We got into a little fight before we reached the restaurant. Here’s me expressing my discontent in a very mature manner.

Jeff caught my very discreet expression + so I obliged him with a reluctant stiff smile. Not bad, right?!

I couldn’t stay mad at Jeff! He’s too cute!!! We hugged it out after a little talking + we enjoyed our dinner. We had a beef carpaccio appetizer (Canadians call it an “appie” as in a beef carpaccio appie – funny, right?) which I’ve never had before. It was UNBELIEVABLE!!!! OMG it was so good, like melt in your mouth good. http://www.armsreachbistro.com/frame.htm

After dinner we went for a movie. FYI, Canadian movie theaters really need a serious makeover. Ever heard of stadium seating? Surround sound??? Consider it, Canada!!! They’re all pretty small + outdated + make me feel like I’m in middle school at the Janss Mall going to see Beetlejuice.

I can’t wait for the Muppet movie to come out!!!!! Oh, Fozzie bear, you charlatan!!

I wanted to go see Moneyball, but since it was Jeff’s birthday we went to see Ryan Gosling in Drive. I mean, who doesn’t want to see a movie about baseball + statistics?! Let’s just say Drive was highly lacking. Jeff enjoyed it for some reason. The actors were extremely good, but there was absolutely no character development + the storyline was majorly weak sauce. When we got back to Tom + Deb’s, they were still up so we shared some bubbly to celebrate Jeff’s 45th year on the planet. Tom just got back from a trade show in Europe + bought this perfect Mr. T shirt for Jeff in Spain. Pity the Fool. Pity the Fool.

What are we doing here in this picture? I don’t know but it looks like a bunch of ballyhoo to me. Stay tuned tomorrow for Jeff’s 2 Day Birthday Festivities Part 2.

Sep 23

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Canadian Bacon

How’s it going, eh?! It’s been great to be back in Vancouver at Tom + Deb’s. Matt has transitioned from geckos to salamanders. Tobin + I have transitioned from sand castles to Lego villages. Yesterday was Jeff’s brother Benjamin’s birthday. Jeff + I stopped by the most awesome british butcher recommended by Steve to pick up some burgers. This place was my dad’s dream. Tongue, haggis, kidney pie, blood sausage, 12 different types of bacon, hooray!!!!!

Look at the dolls they had for sale!!! I was like, “WHAAAAT!!!!????”. I had seen them before because Jeff + his family grew up with these minstrel dolls called Golliwogs which was a character from children’s books popular in England during the late 19th century. AND they had a Golliwog clock on the wall!!! I just couldn’t believe they had them for sale on their counter, right up in front!

Jeff’s grandmother owned the original 1895 publication of this exact book.

Anyways, we all enjoyed the burgers – Steve, Liz, Keiko + Hana came to join the festivities as well!!! It was awesome being with everyone again!

The Salamander Whisperer + his face painted assistant, Hana the Amazing!!!

Keiko patiently waiting for her burger to be cut.

Tobin lost his two front teeth!!! Look at his superb cowboy hat + vintage suede cowboy vest. Courtesy of Uncle Thrift Store Jeff. It’s one of Tobin’s favorite looks to go shirtless with the vest.

One totally rad dude. Ready to rip it up to the extreme. Jeff said now he really looks Canadian. Really? I didn’t know Canadians were toothless.

I thought Tobin was channeling Bunker Spreckels, infamous surfer from the 70’s who inherited $50 million from the family fortune (his grandfather was a sugar baron, publisher + railroad tycoon). He partied hard + had really great style. Oh yeah, + Clark Gable was his step father.

Someone is anticipating cake time!

YAAAAAY!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE BENJ!!!!

Today Jeff + I had a phone consultation with an lawyer to discuss our immigration paperwork. It is going to be alot of work, but she told us that if we have all our documents in order, it will take 5-6 months to process!!! Very good news!!! Chin chin!!!!

Well, Vancouver is already damp + drizzly. I’m going to buy a car load of Vitamin D when I move up here. I’m going to get Seasonal Affective Disorder y’all!!! We took the bus to pick up Jeff’s car from the detailer in downtown. The bus!!! Very exotic for an Angeleno.

After picking up the car + on the way back home to North Vancouver, we were driving through what Jeff + I call Cracky McJacky Town. Very unsavory, but I could still eat Canada’s crack addicts for breakfast when comparing them with Los Angeles crack addicts!!! But look at what we saw!!!

Girl fight!!!! The little one was dragging the big one by the hair!!! Then they both stood up + the little one was throwing punches like a pro boxer! It was on the driver’s side + I was hitting Jeff + yelling, “Take a picture!!!!”. Jeff wimped out + didn’t even roll down the window to get a good shot, so it’s blurry. To all my American friends, you probably thought Canada was all maple syrup + baby deers?! Well, think again!!! The mean streets of the Great White North!!! Voila!!!!!

Aug 26

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Overload

Tonight’s post may be short but full of pictures because I’m that exhausted.

Not half as exhausted as Jeff is I’m sure. Tuesday morning Jeff came home from work at 5am. I went to the gym, picked us up breakfast + he was up at 8:30am. I really don’t know how he does it. I consider myself a relatively hyper-active person, but he takes the cake. He’s off his rocker.

First off, we were off to research our alternative storage options to consolidate all of Jeff’s stuff, (things, tchotchkes, memories, whathaveyou). First, we checked out some transport trailers out in Exshaw which is 15 min from Canmore. Keith owns an excavating yard + has a huge, sweet shop that he sometimes rents out to films when they’re in town. Savvy!!!! He also suggested for us to rent out a 40ft storage container – love it.

We thanked him + then made our way to Calgary to check out where more trailers go to die.

Jim showed us multiple trailers to rent +/or buy off of him. He was honest + forthright about the complications about owning a trailer, driving it to Vancouver, all the permits you would need, etc. At this point it seemed like more trouble than it was worth. I asked Jeff, “Why are you so hell bent on buying a trailer?” His response was, “All boys dream of owning their own transport trailer!”. Ah, men. This is a prime example of why women exist. We decided on renting the storage container from Keith. Here’s Jeff making deals over the phone – because that’s what he does.

After we talked to Keith to solidify the container, we ran an enormous amount of errands. Jeff renewed our membership at Costco to get ready for Hawaii.

Those of you who are nearest + dearest to me know it is the kiss of death to go into a Costco with Jeff. It’s like Cesar’s Palace for him + he would never know how long he’d been in there for. After was a lovely lunch at Ikea.

And then to some random hunting store.

I didn’t know that Barbie + Hannah Montana made fishing poles. Did you?

At the end of the day Jeff dragged me to the set of “Hell on Wheels” where he had unfinished notes to work on in his book. They were still shooting, but thankfully + mercifully his awesome team let him wrap out early because we had so much to do. As most of you know, set is the last place I want to be. But, Jeff loves it + is always so happy + excited to introduce me to everyone. Here he is with his amazing costume team. My dear friend Heather is at Jeff’s top left. I met Heather on Inception + she was the first person I confessed to about my feelings for Jeff. We’ve kept in touch but it was the first time I’ve seen her since then, so it was an emotional reunion.

I took a picture of Jeff with Common, but I’m not allowed to show him in costume due to confidentiality agreements which I think are ridiculous. Common + Jeff were having such a bromance right before my eyes + it was so cute that I had to have a Jeff/Common hug sandwich. All the crew + actors that I met were so genuinely nice + it was so great to hear them all say such nice things about Jeff. I think the show is going to blessed because of all the blood, sweat + tears the cast + crew have invested in this show. We didn’t get home until 1am. The long drive to Canmore was really difficult, I’m not gonna lie.

Today we kicked ass. It’s because Jeff put on his “Hell on Wheels” crew tshirt. We did a round to the thrift store which is my favorite thing to do because that means we’re getting rid of his enormous amount of stuff. After that, we went to check on Jeff’s old Chrysler + his old buddy Ed who lives near by came to say hello. This was definitely the highlight of my day. Check out his sweet ride that he brought back from the dead:

This is Eddie. How amazing is he????!!!! If you think I’m going to make fun of his fashion, well you’re wrong!!!! Eddie is legit. He is the real deal + he’s not going to apologize to anyone for it!!!!

Look at his beautiful lion’s mane being tousled by the wind.

Jeff rented a cube van from my favorite Budget rent a car. We loaded 3/4 of his massive garage into this van. Here are the proud first boxes into the cube van:

This is Jeff in his cube van visionary pose.

We loaded that thing 3/4 full. Seriously, thank god I’m freakishly strong. Then we went to his second storage space + loaded the rest of the van. I’ll post a pic of the cube van bursting at the seams later because we were both so tired + cranky at 10:30pm to really do much of anything. Today we will be loading the stuff into the storage container + going back to do another load. As Jeff said, “It’s a good thing I got the ring on your finger before we started tackling this.” Well played, my good sir. Well played.

Aug 23

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Mountains + Lakes. Lakes + Mountains.

Another slow start for the day. Jeff did not get home from work last night until 3:30am. Considering how little sleep he gets + how long his commute is, I couldn’t sleep until he was home because I was too worried about his well being.

I managed to get in a run this morning. Here are the views I get to enjoy of Canmore while I run.

The famous Three Sisters

After showering, making lunch + cleaning up, I didn’t get on the road until 1:30pm. EEEEK!!!! At first, I was going to head to Lake Louise + decide from there where I was going to wander. But, considering that Lake Louise is, “one of the most photographed lakes in the Canadian Rockies”, I decided to bet on another route first. Jeff suggested I visit Moraine Lake.

XM radio + I decided we were going to be friends again after the unsettling Lady Gaga experience. Whitesnake’s, “Here I Go Again” came on, + it was rock out central in my car. There’s nothing like driving down a stretch of alpine wilderness + rocking out to a hair band that spells out road trip. There was also a lot of Foo Fighters playing + I must admit, Dave Grohl is my rock n’ roll crush.

Um, hi.

And the Boss

I arrived at Lake Moraine + it was chock full of tourists.

I approached the lake + there was this dude with a pipe + an Indiana Jones style hat standing thigh deep in the lake. I was like, “what the heck is going on here???”

I was going to go up to them + ask, “what are you guys shooting? is this for an album cover? is it for a magazine???” And then I realized I actually didn’t care enough to ask, so I went along my merry way.

I clambered up the side of what is known as, “Moraine Lake Rockpile”. When I got to the top, there were enormous amounts of tourists, so I went back down whence I came from + had lunch on an outcropping of rock that I knew tourists would be too scared to come down.

This is when I heard a woman screaming to her husband from down below, “Dan!!! Dan!!! Look!!! Someone just got on top of one of those new things!!! A paddle board!!!!!”. Snicker.

Another view from where I was sitting.

I wanted to hike down to Lower Consolation Lake + I came across this sign:

Foiled again!!! If you’ve been wondering to yourself, “Shelli is such an avid hiker, I wonder why she hasn’t been going out into the hills more often?”. You want to know why? It’s because when I look into the hills, all I see looking back at me is this:

Anyone who knows me well enough is fully aware of the fact that I am tragically + deathly afraid of being mauled by a bear. I take no chances. I’ve been known to backpack in Wyoming clanging pots + pans + screaming “the star spangled banner” at the top of my lungs for the entire trip.

Thus, I decided to take the leisurely stroll along Moraine Lake. I stopped upon a log in the lake for another snack. It was so beautiful that I almost started crying if it wasn’t for the annoyingly loud group of Brits behind me talking about how expensive a glass of wine was at the lodge. I’m like, my god if you really want to talk this much, why don’t you all go meet at Starbucks?! So annoying!!!

It was time to head back. At this point I was reconsidering going to Lake Louise. But I thought to myself, “Self, this is one of the most famous landmarks in the Canadian Rockies.” So, I ventured out. Yikes. It was like Alpine Disneyland. There were so many tourists. My hunches were correct. Lake Louise was originally named Emerald Lake. I can imagine how pristine + gorgeous it was pre-tourism.

Do you like how I cropped it + timed the desolation of the lake like a travel brochure??? Because this is how it really looked like:

AAAAAHHHH!!!! I high tailed it out there as fast as I could! Canoe locusts!!! Been there, done that!!! Until tomorrow!!!

Aug 22

7 Comments

The Big Score

Hey all!!!! One week from today, Jeff + I will be in Hawaii!!!!!

Yesterday was another day of editing the storage garage. It was not as harrowing as the day before. We were in a groove. We were making progress. Look at our happy faces. GO TEAM, GO!!!!! We shall laugh in the face of adversity!!!!

I look like a midget for sure in this pic.

Look at the lame smile on my face in this pic. I’m one of the least photogenic people you’ll ever meet. Just ask my dad. As a cameraman, my dad has wasted years of his life trying to get a good picture of me at family functions. My mom is one of the top 5 photogenic people on the planet. I’m trying to emulate her charming smile but it’s clearly not working.

Example: here is the master at work. Effortless.

Jeff really has some gems in that garage. I’m actually getting excited about the idea of trying to swindle the Japanese market into buying all of his Americana at top dollar, y’all. I’m all about the greenbacks.

Jeff + Pee Wee.

I scored big time yesterday. Big time. It is my compensation for all the pain + suffering Jeff is putting me through. Oh, and I just would like to say to all my costumer sisters + brothers out there that thank god I’m a costumer, because Jeff + I were that more efficient, because it what we do at work. I was bagging, tagging, sorting, taping boxes + lifting. You 705 folks know what I’m talking about! Represent!!! And thank god I lift weights.

Score #1, #2, #3

Score #4

Score #5

Score #6

Score #7

And this is for you ladies!!!!

Score #8! A picture of Jeff with John Hamm!!! HELLOOOOOOOO!!!!! Hotties time 2!!!!

So after working for 6 1/2 hours with a 20 min lunch break Jeff + I headed over to Karen + Kyle’s for a bbq. Yaaaaaay!!!! SAVE ME!!!!! Here’s Rudy the rudester the king of all canines.

This is Karen + Jeff. Look at all the turquoise on Karen!!! A woman after my own heart!!! Isn’t she beautiful?! Canadian ladies, I tell ya. Natural beauties.

I went inside to say hi to Juna + her friend Zoey. I was promptly sushed because it was nap time for the babies. Geez, ladies!!! Point taken!!!

This is how Canadians play with kids:

This is what they transport kids in. Take that, Los Angeles moms!!!!

The menfolk playing with the babies. As it should be. Look at the decor in the house!!! Karen has an amazing eye + is a self taught interior decorator. Her style is a mix of modern + ethnic with mid century pieces thrown in. This house should be featured in an interior mag!!! Stat!!!!

Here’s Kyle at the grill. Canadians know how to party!!! Look at all that meat! Look at Jeff’s face. Definition of anticipation.

Speaking of party, we all sat in the backyard + enjoyed some wine + spirits. All in all, good times were had. That’s why this morning was slooooow going. Jeff dropped me off at Budget rent a car. Remember my hooting + hollering about being compensated? Well, guess what?! They gave me the same mini SUV from Friday at a discounted rate of….wait for it…wait for it….$29.99 a day!!!!!! That’s right!!!! I was really appreciative. Even the girl who was helping me was shocked at my discount. That’s how I roll!!!!!!

So, what happens when I’m not feeling so hot? Yes, folks it’s Banff time. Check out my parallel parking skillz:

Uh oh. It’s another Alberta fashion bomb:

Had lunch at the park + read an interview about Rihanna. Very life changing. Did I go to the Banff Indian Trading Post again, you ask??? Need you ask???!!! Drool.

I also visited the Whyte Museum of the Canadian Rockies. http://www.whyte.org/ It is a well curated museum of Bow Valley history + art. I’m a little obsessed with Norman Luxton. He was known as “Mr. Banff”. Mr. Luxton was a newspaper publisher, philanthropist, outdoor enthusiast + friend to the Stoney Nakoda natives. He is also credited with putting Banff on the map as a tourist destination. Another important note: Luxton founded the Trading Post + the Buffalo Nations Luxton Museum. If you regard this photo, you’ll understand my love for Norman Luxton.

The current exhibition is “Women Adventurers in the Rockies”. I was very inspired + wish I had learned to alpine climb, shoot + fish at a young age. This amazing buckskin was worn by Mary Schaffer Warren – an artist, photographer + explorer. I thought it was very unique in it’s turn of the century detail + I would definitely like to replicate it one day.

Bye for now!!!

Aug 20

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Touch + Go

Today was a little touch + go, I’m not going to lie, y’all. Jeff + I had a late start today. I was famished, so we headed out for our day. Jeff decided to wear this great all brown outfit, so of course I made him pose in the woods.

But first Jeff swung by ANOTHER ONE OF HIS STORAGE SPACES. Look at the shame on his face. Poor guy.

But, that was for another day to tackle. We had bigger fish to fry today!!!!

We had breakfast at”La Belle Patate”. It is in the industrial district in Canmore + I actually had read about it on Yelp. Yelp rules! http://labellepatate.com/

They specialize in quebecois style food – smoked meats, poutine, etc. For those of you Americans who aren’t familiar with poutine, you are missing out – it is a is a dish of french fries, fresh cheese curds, with brown gravy. It was all to die for!!! And the owner of the shop was the nicest guy!!! Here is Jeff’s smoked meat sub + the poutine. It’s interesting, because the meat in the sub is cubed + they typically douse it with yellow mustard + lots of pickles. I didn’t take a picture of my veggie sub because it was just grilled veggies + cheese. But nevertheless delicieux mes amis!!!!!!!! My complements to the chef!!!

Alright, after we ate, we headed toward the dreaded garage storage space that I had featured in a previous post. We went through all of the racks of clothing + every once in a while Jeff would get cross at me + I would reply, “You’re acting as if I’m the enemy!!!! I’m only here to help you!!!!!”. It totally felt like an episode of Hoarders. Psychology 101. In between we managed to have some fun:

Disregard the tan lines + the scary slip on shoes – I’ve tried to get rid of them, believe me.

Oh yeah, you all know this jacket is going home with me!!!! Score!!!

So HANDSOME!!!!

We got rid of 9 bags of clothing!!!! The back of Jeff’s car was filled. Deb, aren’t you proud?!

When we went to the thrift store to drop everything off, Jeff insisted on going in to shop! What a junkie!!! A JUNKIE!!!! HELP ME, LORD!!!!!!

This is when things started to go south. We went back to the storage garage. I think we were both tired because almost every item became a fight + I became very frustrated. We decided to pick things up again tomorrow. I was very depressed, overwhelmed + dejected about the whole thing. We were supposed to have a romantic dinner at Crazy Weed, but I couldn’t muster up the enthusiasm to go tonight, so we postponed. Emotionally bankrupt, as they say. Jeff is so sweet + noticed my sad mood, so he insisted we take a walk along Policeman’s Creek. I did feel better afterwards. He definitely knows how to cheer up my moods.

Here is a picture of me posing next to the sculpture titled, “Big Head”. Canmore is named after a town on the northwest shores of Scotland named in honor of King Malcolm III of Canmore. The anglicized version of the Gaelic Ceann Mór, Canmore has been variously translated as “big head” or, more likely, “great head” or “chief”. Can you see the strained enthusiasm in my face???

So we are having a quiet night tonight of staying in + ordering pizza. Tomorrow we will start out early + work on the cavernous garage again. I’m so proud of Jeff for really tackling this daunting project because I know it’s been a real burden for many years!!!!! GO TEAM!!!!

Aug 19

Canadian Icefields Parkway, pt. deux

Before I embark on the details of another one of my ridiculous days, let me shed some light onto my lack of sleep for the past week.

1) Jeff is a giant + his mattress is a double

2) He tosses + turns in his sleep. When most people turn over in their sleep it’s like a roll. When Jeff does it’s like a violent flopping as if someone is getting electric shock treatment, or a fish flopping around when it’s gasping for air. I have a queen Tempurpedic in Little Tokyo + I highly recommend it for people with partners that are restless sleepers because the movements of the other person will not wake you up

3) Jeff might be part polar bear because he is one of the most heat intolerant human beings. When he’s in Los Angeles he’s constantly over heating. Therefore, even though Canmore is in the Rockies + is super cold for me, he insists on the ceiling fan to be on + a really, really noisy desk fan to be on during night + the noise makes me locaaaaaaa!!!!!!

4) In the cabin where Jeff is staying in there is a sleeping loft. To reach the loft there is a beautiful old library ladder. Beautiful, yet deadly!!! Being a lady who ferquently visits the bathroom at night it’s quite a commitment to clamber down + up those rungs in the pitch dark while half asleep!!!

Okay, let’s continue. If you all remember my adversity with Budget rent-a-car yesterday, they told me to be at the Canmore office at 9am this morning to figure things out. Well, no one was there!!!!! AAAAAARRRR!!! I called the phone number + the manager of the Canmore + Banff office John answered. He told me no one was coming to the Canmore office today. When I asked what kind of battery my key took, he said he didn’t know that information + it would be best for me to come to the Banff location + switch out cars. “OH HELL TO THE NO!!!!”

After waiting at the Banff office while John was on the phone, I sat there at the counter + said loudly, “You guys need more staff!!!” while another woman who was waiting nodded at me emphatically. When John got off the phone I was pissed + ready to fight!!!! Whenever he said anything I replied, “WELL I WASTED HALF A DAY YESTERDAY + I WANTED TO BE ON THE ROAD TODAY AT 6:30AM TO GET TO THE GLACIERS!!!! I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD GIVE ME TWO DAYS TO MAKE UP FOR THIS INCONVENIENCE!!!!”. John told me he could “possibly work something out” + I replied, “WELL I WASTED HALF A DAY YESTERDAY + I WANTED TO BE ON THE ROAD TODAY AT 6:30AM TO GET TO THE GLACIERS!!!! I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD GIVE ME TWO DAYS TO MAKE UP FOR THIS INCONVENIENCE!!!!”. We looked at the contract, decided to switch out cars + then he asked me to top off the gas tank in the fiesta. “OH HELL TO THE NO PART TWO!!!!!” They should have comped me the 1/4 tank!!! For future tourist information, Banff gas stations are the worst + there’s always people driving huge RV’s that shouldn’t be + it’s basically a pain. After I filled up the gas tank + went back to Budget, John was helping the emphatically nodding woman. Seems she had a bit of problems that she wanted cleared up too. As I sat + waited while he dealt with her problem, his assistant was running around while helping a kiwi couple, while 2 other couples were standing around + the phone was ringing off the hook. I was observing all of this + was starting to feel very badly for them. When it was my turn I said to John, “I don’t understand why you don’t have more staff + now I understand why no one ever returned my calls”. He told me that he’s urged with corporate to give him another person – even if it’s to wash + park cars. Poor guy!!! They’re running around between 3 locations, washing cars, maintaining them while doing contracts in an insanely high tourist traffic area!!! Blasphemy!!! This whole time John never let his cool down + always maintained a smile. I told him I was going to call corporate + tell them that they have a good group of people working for them in a highly tourist area that is majorly understaffed + are completely swamped. And I apologized for being so mad in the beginning of our relationship. Down with corporate!!!! Towards the end we were BFFS, + he said he was going to try + get me a major discount on a car for Monday + Tuesday.

So, at this point I was amped + was like, “WOOOOOO!!! NOW I’M ON A ROAD TRIP!!!!” So I got overzealous + went to a convenient store + bought a Slim Jim type thing + some gummy bears. I can’t even tell you the last time I’ve eaten a Slim Jim!!! Due to my lack of sleep I was detoured off the road + when I saw a sign that said “Welcome to British Columbia” I had been going the wr0ng way!!! I turned around + as I was driving, I started to trip out due to lack of sleep. My excitement of XM Radio diminished when I heard Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” + started getting dizzy watching the endless rows of trees. I turned off the radio + got to Saskatchewan River Crossing. It’s the last place you can get gas at before the long haul. There were creepy tourists, tour buses, disgusting $3.16 coffee + thus, I decided to just head back towards Canmore because I thought it was too dangerous to keep going. This is where I stopped + took an hour nap.

Yes, everyone I went to the Icefields to take a nap. Pathetic. I woke up because my stomach was starting to hurt becaue of the Slim Jim. I headed d0wn to Peyto Lake.

Note to future travelers: if you’re not used to eating Slim Jims – don’t do it!!!!! Those are my words of wisdom for the day. The End.

Aug 18

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Canadian Icefields Parkway, Pt. 1

I’m calling this Part 1 as you will find out later in this episode.

I embarked on my journey to the Canadian Icefields Parkway today. It is a stretch of highway between Lake Louise + Jasper National Park of craggy mountain ranges + valley glaciers, which is about a 3 hour drive north west of Canmore. My goal today was to go on a Columbia Icefield tour, where they have one of the largest accumulations of ice and snow south of the Arctic Circle.

I took the smaller, more scenic 1A route towards the glaciers. This was my view from the road.

Not even 1/4 into my journey, my rental vehicle gave a warning saying my battery was low on my key + needs replacement. My rental car doesn’t have a traditional key. It has a battery operated key – to start my car I press on the brake, make sure the car is in park + press a button on the car to start it. Well, I ignored the warning, thinking I’d get to Lake Louise + call Budget to figure it out. When I got to Lake Louise, I called the Canmore Budget office with no answer. I left them a message + also called the 1-800 number. They told me they couldn’t help me + referred me back to the Canmore office. So much for customer service!!! I was going to bust that key open myself + replace the battery, but I couldn’t get the thing open!!! I crossed my fingers + headed back on the road.

Here is Castle Mountain. If you notice the little blue speck in the field, it was this little old lady who hauled a lawn chair into the field. I think she was going to sit + paint the mountain range. How cool is that?

As the road became more remote + I lost cell reception, I started becoming really nervous. I’m sure there’s reserve battery energy in the key, but what if I got stuck in the glaciers??? I almost couldn’t enjoy the majestic beauty because I was so freaked out about this stupid battery operated key. What’s wrong with old school keys, I ask you?!?!

Finally, I reached the Num-Ti-Jah Lodge (I kept wanting to call it Kumquat Lodge) at Bow Lake. I thought to myself, “Ah! Someone will be able to help me here, + then I can reach my destination with confidence!”. To my dismay the guy at the front desk was smug + unfriendly + said he didn’t want to go against the rental company’s policies when I asked him to help me bust open the key. He was very un-Canadian + square. I’m thinking he was American. So, I wandered with my tail between my legs to the back of the hotel + repeatedly tried to call stupid Budget from the pay phone. Those jerks STILL weren’t answering the phone!!! So I made my decision to have lunch at Bow Lake + head back south east towards home. I used to be much more adventurous. My fear is all due to the fact that I have read too many books about disasters that occured from the hand of mother nature.

Perfect Storm:

Into Thin Air:

Oh yeah, + let’s not forget this one

Here’s Bow Lake. The pictures do not do it any justice. The lake was bright turquoise blue!!! The color lends itself to the fact that when the glaciers melt, they grind sediment into the meltwater. The heavier sediment sinks to the bottom of the lake, while the lighter sediment (called rock flour) reflect the blue + green light. This photo was taken by a nice German.

Dejectedly, I headed back down to Canmore. South east of Bow Lake is Crow Foot Glacier. One of it’s “toes” has melted away from global warming.

On the way home when I was able to get cell service, I called Budget Canmore + STILL NO ANSWER + NO ONE HAD CALLED ME BACK. I tried the 1-800 number again + a gal helped me probably because I was so pissed. She transferred me to a very nice gentleman in Banff. I told him about how I had plans to go to the Athabasca Glacier + had to turn around. I felt I lost a day + NEEDED TO BE COMPENSATED!!! DOUBLE SNAP + A “Z” FORMATION, Y’ALL!!! Oh, I’m sorry I’m in Canada – “ZED” FORMATION, Y’ALL!!! I was mad as a hornet!!!! He is leaving a message with the manager of the Banff + Canmore offices + hopefully I’ll get a couple of free days of car use, considering tomorrow is my last day with the fiesta.

Oh, I made use of my time by wandering around the lakes of Banff. Vermillion Lakes:

Lake Minnewanka:

To be continued….

Aug 16

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Oh, Banff

This morning I woke with a crazy sore throat + general feeling of malaise. I had a feeling it was creeping up on me. Canada is very warm, cold, warm, cold. And it probably didn’t help that yesterday I walked from the cabin to downtown Canmore in the rain. Thus, I decided to take it easy today + be a tourist in Banff.

Banff is only a 15 min drive from Canmore. This is not a very exciting photo, but I just wanted to show everyone what it looks like when I step outside the door.

The little black car in the photo is my rental car. Cute, non???

There were ALOT of slowly driving confused tourists in Banff. So I quickly parked near Bow River + hopped out of my vehicle. The bridge was built in 1923. The pictures do not do the color of the river any justice.

After eating lunch by the river, my first stop was to the Banff Indian Trading Post, of course. I shopped there my first time in Banff as a recommendation from my then friend, Jeffrey Fayle. This is also where he bought my Salish eagle engagement ring. And it’s also where Jeff used to sell his leather goods when he was White Owl. It is a very magical place for me.

Drool.

Readers, you will be shocked when I tell you that I did not buy anything from the shop. My restraint was world class. But, I’ll probably go back!!!! Then it will be a bead purchasing massacre!!!!

After being in the Trading Post for 6 hours I went in to the Buffalo Nations Luxton Museum

It had a great collection of beading + pow wow regalia. But, there were really low grade, ghetto life size reinterpretations of Native historical + cultural events. But you all know I actually love that kind of stuff.

Here is Banff:

There were so many Asian tourists in Banff, I fit right in. There are so many Japanese tourists that many of the souvenir shops have Japanese written on their signs :

Anyways, sorry for the relatively boring post. I’ll feel better tomorrow. Oh, here’s a couple pics from last night. Karen + Kyle had some friends over + invited me to dinner. Aren’t they nice??? I wish I took a picture of the spread! They barbecued chicken, steak, lamb + yummy purple potatoes + roots!!!!

Look at that Juna!!!! Isn’t she a live wire?! She is a hoot!!!!!

Ta ta everyone, until tomorrow!

Aug 15

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Exhaustion, Fear + Canmore

Hi Everyone!!! Sorry I haven’t posted anything in the past couple of days. My excuse is no/dodgy internet access. I’ll just give a quick update of what I’ve been up to.

EXHAUSTION

Saturday Jeff + I were still in Calgary. We were going to shop for his wedding outfit if you recall. Jeff was EXHAUSTED!!!!!!! Working 16 + hours a day, commuting an hour to work, + taking care of multiple cast + stunts on a dirty western show is finally taking it’s toll on the poor man. So when we arrived at the mall, it was like me walking around with a hulking zombie slowly trailing behind me by 2 feet. After we ate lunch, I came out of the bathroom + found this:

Sad, right??? We decided to abort the mission. As we were heading out I stopped by Starbucks to get a coffee + as I got closer to the exit I found this:

So sad, so alone, so forlorn.

A broken man, y’all.

I did the drive from Calgary + Canmore – the vistas were gorgeous + green, dotted with barns. I tried to get Jeff to take some pictures for me since I was driving, but they were horrible because it was like driving with a sack of flour lying next to me in the passenger seat. Poor Jeff.

That night we had dinner with Tom, Deb + Jeff’s friends Karen + Kyle, their spunky 3 year old Juna + their cutie pie Rottweiler/Akita/German Shepard, Rudy. At that point we were both so exhausted that at the end of the evening Jeff + I were both falling asleep on the couch. What a couple of losers! Lightweights I tell you!!! Poor Karen + Kyle.

FEAR

Oh here’s the cabin that Jeff has been staying in.

Here’s the view from the back deck:

Here’s Jeff posing on the back deck:

So, we ran some errands + had a nice lunch in downtown Canmore. BUT THEN JEFF TOOK ME TO HIS MAIN (I.E. THERE’S OTHERS) STORAGE SPACE

I’m calling TLC, y’all!!!!!

Look at Jeff, so enamored with his things.

Lambchop is not amused. She became my alter ego whilst I was inside the storage unit. I expressed all my anger + frustration to Jeff through her because I was going insane.

But then we found this picture + then everything was all right with me again.

Aug 12

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Calgary – it’s slightly unimpressive

Hello all!!!! I am officially in Canada. During the flight I watched LA Ink the entire time + was pretty fascinated/disgusted considering I don’t watch TV + had never seen it before.

Jeff got production to help us out with a hotel room in Calgary since I arrived so late at night, he was working + a shuttle to Canmore (where he is staying during shooting) would be expensive + about an hour drive. When I got to the room there were chocolate dipped strawberries waiting for me + a congratulations note on our engagement! Oh la la!!! Classy!!!

When Jeff walked through the door I screamed like he was one of the Beatles. We haven’t seen each other in over 2 months. That is longest we’ve been apart. It is so great being back together, y’all!!!! Look at his outfit:

Can you say, amazing?

Today, I walked around downtown Calgary doing research for Jeff’s linen suit that he wants to get for the wedding. Don’t worry everyone, he’s only going to wear the pants because it’ll be too hot, but he said every man needs a nice linen suit. I saw this statue + became confused because I didn’t know Jeff played hockey + was made of wood:

I ambled along Stephen’s Avenue Walk which is an outdoor pedestrian mall which contains a high concentration of registered historic buildings in the city. Most of these building are sandstone; a result of the construction of fire resistant buildings that followed a fire in 1886 that damaged much of the city.

The building themselves were beautiful + the atmosphere was a little bit like 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica with the shops, kiosks + unsavory characters hanging out on benches all the live long day – but just not as good. I was going to delete this horrible boring picture of Stephens Avenue:

But then I took a closer look + went, “whoah”.

That dude is not messing around.

Here’s another fine gentleman who I believe is dipping into his bag of chew.

LILASH UPDATE:

I almost forgot. Lilash has been making my eyelids slightly sensitive. I’m not gonna lie, y’all. It gives my eyelids a slightly pinkish tint. But, it’s so faint that it could possibly pass for pink fashion eyeshadow :

Or a geisha:

Don’t worry I’m exaggerating a little bit. Today feels better. But I just wanted to warn everyone of the slight side effect. It’s a once a day application for two weeks. After that it’s a twice a week kind of deal. Beauty = Pain.

Ok! Goodnight everyone!!! Love + miss everybody!!!