Budget Rent-a-car | how's it going, eh?

Aug 27

Maxed Out

Hey! I have to make this post super short. We’re packing up the cabin + need to make it on the road to Vancouver today in the next couple hours! Gear up for the next 10 hours of road!!!

Yesterday basically sucked a bunch of sour grapes. I knew it was going to be a gnarly day. I didn’t even put on my turquoise, y’all!!!! Here’s the very full Budget van hauling ass to Exshaw.

If you cosmopolitan folk don’t know what a 40 ft storage container looks like, this is a big leviathan. And this is what we filled yesterday.

Here’s me revealing the full van, biting my knuckles off. Stop looking at my ankle socks!!!! I had no choice!

We lifted, hauled, pushed + cursed. If I needed to remind all of you, thank god I’m so buff. But look! Pretty!!!!

Poor Jeff is so tired + is working so hardcore. Here he is laid out on the liftgate after hitting his head. Note to anyone making a big move, some words of wisdom – YOU MUST GET A TRUCK WITH A LIFTGATE. I cannot stress that enough.

We drove back to Canmore for our second load + Jeff nearly burst a blood vessel because he realized we forgot the keys to the storage garage. He had a solution. This is how Canadians remove locks. Take an ax to it, Canuck!!!! Get ANGRY!!!!

All my costumer friends, I know it pains you to look at this next picture. You’ll be even more sad for me when I tell you that during the ride, two of the racks fell over. Jeff was raging because it knocked over his stupid Jesse James looking bike cruiser with the flames on it. I was OVER IT!!!! Go ride that ugly bike in Long Beach!!!!

Anyways, these pictures do not convey the pain + torture + sweat that we endured. We cleaned out: 1) the storage garage 2) the box storage 3) Peter + Dolly’s garage + 4) Roger’s garage. Yeah, uh-huh. That’s right. 4 locations.

At least he can still smile!

As for me, notsomuch.

Yes, we filled an ENTIRE 40 FT STORAGE CONTAINER.

This picture is blurry because I couldn’t see straight anymore.

At 9:30 I pre-wrapped myself because I couldn’t take it anymore. We were looking at things left behind in the storage garage in the pitch dark with one flashlight. Jeff still had to pick up things from a coworker + drop things off at Peter + Dolly. I was like, “Yo, I’m out.”. But, we found this old picture of lanky young Jeff + I felt slightly better. Juuuust slightly. Pictures like this remind me of things that I love about Jeff.

Wish me luck today. I will need it.

Aug 26

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Overload

Tonight’s post may be short but full of pictures because I’m that exhausted.

Not half as exhausted as Jeff is I’m sure. Tuesday morning Jeff came home from work at 5am. I went to the gym, picked us up breakfast + he was up at 8:30am. I really don’t know how he does it. I consider myself a relatively hyper-active person, but he takes the cake. He’s off his rocker.

First off, we were off to research our alternative storage options to consolidate all of Jeff’s stuff, (things, tchotchkes, memories, whathaveyou). First, we checked out some transport trailers out in Exshaw which is 15 min from Canmore. Keith owns an excavating yard + has a huge, sweet shop that he sometimes rents out to films when they’re in town. Savvy!!!! He also suggested for us to rent out a 40ft storage container – love it.

We thanked him + then made our way to Calgary to check out where more trailers go to die.

Jim showed us multiple trailers to rent +/or buy off of him. He was honest + forthright about the complications about owning a trailer, driving it to Vancouver, all the permits you would need, etc. At this point it seemed like more trouble than it was worth. I asked Jeff, “Why are you so hell bent on buying a trailer?” His response was, “All boys dream of owning their own transport trailer!”. Ah, men. This is a prime example of why women exist. We decided on renting the storage container from Keith. Here’s Jeff making deals over the phone – because that’s what he does.

After we talked to Keith to solidify the container, we ran an enormous amount of errands. Jeff renewed our membership at Costco to get ready for Hawaii.

Those of you who are nearest + dearest to me know it is the kiss of death to go into a Costco with Jeff. It’s like Cesar’s Palace for him + he would never know how long he’d been in there for. After was a lovely lunch at Ikea.

And then to some random hunting store.

I didn’t know that Barbie + Hannah Montana made fishing poles. Did you?

At the end of the day Jeff dragged me to the set of “Hell on Wheels” where he had unfinished notes to work on in his book. They were still shooting, but thankfully + mercifully his awesome team let him wrap out early because we had so much to do. As most of you know, set is the last place I want to be. But, Jeff loves it + is always so happy + excited to introduce me to everyone. Here he is with his amazing costume team. My dear friend Heather is at Jeff’s top left. I met Heather on Inception + she was the first person I confessed to about my feelings for Jeff. We’ve kept in touch but it was the first time I’ve seen her since then, so it was an emotional reunion.

I took a picture of Jeff with Common, but I’m not allowed to show him in costume due to confidentiality agreements which I think are ridiculous. Common + Jeff were having such a bromance right before my eyes + it was so cute that I had to have a Jeff/Common hug sandwich. All the crew + actors that I met were so genuinely nice + it was so great to hear them all say such nice things about Jeff. I think the show is going to blessed because of all the blood, sweat + tears the cast + crew have invested in this show. We didn’t get home until 1am. The long drive to Canmore was really difficult, I’m not gonna lie.

Today we kicked ass. It’s because Jeff put on his “Hell on Wheels” crew tshirt. We did a round to the thrift store which is my favorite thing to do because that means we’re getting rid of his enormous amount of stuff. After that, we went to check on Jeff’s old Chrysler + his old buddy Ed who lives near by came to say hello. This was definitely the highlight of my day. Check out his sweet ride that he brought back from the dead:

This is Eddie. How amazing is he????!!!! If you think I’m going to make fun of his fashion, well you’re wrong!!!! Eddie is legit. He is the real deal + he’s not going to apologize to anyone for it!!!!

Look at his beautiful lion’s mane being tousled by the wind.

Jeff rented a cube van from my favorite Budget rent a car. We loaded 3/4 of his massive garage into this van. Here are the proud first boxes into the cube van:

This is Jeff in his cube van visionary pose.

We loaded that thing 3/4 full. Seriously, thank god I’m freakishly strong. Then we went to his second storage space + loaded the rest of the van. I’ll post a pic of the cube van bursting at the seams later because we were both so tired + cranky at 10:30pm to really do much of anything. Today we will be loading the stuff into the storage container + going back to do another load. As Jeff said, “It’s a good thing I got the ring on your finger before we started tackling this.” Well played, my good sir. Well played.

Aug 19

Canadian Icefields Parkway, pt. deux

Before I embark on the details of another one of my ridiculous days, let me shed some light onto my lack of sleep for the past week.

1) Jeff is a giant + his mattress is a double

2) He tosses + turns in his sleep. When most people turn over in their sleep it’s like a roll. When Jeff does it’s like a violent flopping as if someone is getting electric shock treatment, or a fish flopping around when it’s gasping for air. I have a queen Tempurpedic in Little Tokyo + I highly recommend it for people with partners that are restless sleepers because the movements of the other person will not wake you up

3) Jeff might be part polar bear because he is one of the most heat intolerant human beings. When he’s in Los Angeles he’s constantly over heating. Therefore, even though Canmore is in the Rockies + is super cold for me, he insists on the ceiling fan to be on + a really, really noisy desk fan to be on during night + the noise makes me locaaaaaaa!!!!!!

4) In the cabin where Jeff is staying in there is a sleeping loft. To reach the loft there is a beautiful old library ladder. Beautiful, yet deadly!!! Being a lady who ferquently visits the bathroom at night it’s quite a commitment to clamber down + up those rungs in the pitch dark while half asleep!!!

Okay, let’s continue. If you all remember my adversity with Budget rent-a-car yesterday, they told me to be at the Canmore office at 9am this morning to figure things out. Well, no one was there!!!!! AAAAAARRRR!!! I called the phone number + the manager of the Canmore + Banff office John answered. He told me no one was coming to the Canmore office today. When I asked what kind of battery my key took, he said he didn’t know that information + it would be best for me to come to the Banff location + switch out cars. “OH HELL TO THE NO!!!!”

After waiting at the Banff office while John was on the phone, I sat there at the counter + said loudly, “You guys need more staff!!!” while another woman who was waiting nodded at me emphatically. When John got off the phone I was pissed + ready to fight!!!! Whenever he said anything I replied, “WELL I WASTED HALF A DAY YESTERDAY + I WANTED TO BE ON THE ROAD TODAY AT 6:30AM TO GET TO THE GLACIERS!!!! I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD GIVE ME TWO DAYS TO MAKE UP FOR THIS INCONVENIENCE!!!!”. John told me he could “possibly work something out” + I replied, “WELL I WASTED HALF A DAY YESTERDAY + I WANTED TO BE ON THE ROAD TODAY AT 6:30AM TO GET TO THE GLACIERS!!!! I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD GIVE ME TWO DAYS TO MAKE UP FOR THIS INCONVENIENCE!!!!”. We looked at the contract, decided to switch out cars + then he asked me to top off the gas tank in the fiesta. “OH HELL TO THE NO PART TWO!!!!!” They should have comped me the 1/4 tank!!! For future tourist information, Banff gas stations are the worst + there’s always people driving huge RV’s that shouldn’t be + it’s basically a pain. After I filled up the gas tank + went back to Budget, John was helping the emphatically nodding woman. Seems she had a bit of problems that she wanted cleared up too. As I sat + waited while he dealt with her problem, his assistant was running around while helping a kiwi couple, while 2 other couples were standing around + the phone was ringing off the hook. I was observing all of this + was starting to feel very badly for them. When it was my turn I said to John, “I don’t understand why you don’t have more staff + now I understand why no one ever returned my calls”. He told me that he’s urged with corporate to give him another person – even if it’s to wash + park cars. Poor guy!!! They’re running around between 3 locations, washing cars, maintaining them while doing contracts in an insanely high tourist traffic area!!! Blasphemy!!! This whole time John never let his cool down + always maintained a smile. I told him I was going to call corporate + tell them that they have a good group of people working for them in a highly tourist area that is majorly understaffed + are completely swamped. And I apologized for being so mad in the beginning of our relationship. Down with corporate!!!! Towards the end we were BFFS, + he said he was going to try + get me a major discount on a car for Monday + Tuesday.

So, at this point I was amped + was like, “WOOOOOO!!! NOW I’M ON A ROAD TRIP!!!!” So I got overzealous + went to a convenient store + bought a Slim Jim type thing + some gummy bears. I can’t even tell you the last time I’ve eaten a Slim Jim!!! Due to my lack of sleep I was detoured off the road + when I saw a sign that said “Welcome to British Columbia” I had been going the wr0ng way!!! I turned around + as I was driving, I started to trip out due to lack of sleep. My excitement of XM Radio diminished when I heard Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” + started getting dizzy watching the endless rows of trees. I turned off the radio + got to Saskatchewan River Crossing. It’s the last place you can get gas at before the long haul. There were creepy tourists, tour buses, disgusting $3.16 coffee + thus, I decided to just head back towards Canmore because I thought it was too dangerous to keep going. This is where I stopped + took an hour nap.

Yes, everyone I went to the Icefields to take a nap. Pathetic. I woke up because my stomach was starting to hurt becaue of the Slim Jim. I headed d0wn to Peyto Lake.

Note to future travelers: if you’re not used to eating Slim Jims – don’t do it!!!!! Those are my words of wisdom for the day. The End.

Aug 18

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Canadian Icefields Parkway, Pt. 1

I’m calling this Part 1 as you will find out later in this episode.

I embarked on my journey to the Canadian Icefields Parkway today. It is a stretch of highway between Lake Louise + Jasper National Park of craggy mountain ranges + valley glaciers, which is about a 3 hour drive north west of Canmore. My goal today was to go on a Columbia Icefield tour, where they have one of the largest accumulations of ice and snow south of the Arctic Circle.

I took the smaller, more scenic 1A route towards the glaciers. This was my view from the road.

Not even 1/4 into my journey, my rental vehicle gave a warning saying my battery was low on my key + needs replacement. My rental car doesn’t have a traditional key. It has a battery operated key – to start my car I press on the brake, make sure the car is in park + press a button on the car to start it. Well, I ignored the warning, thinking I’d get to Lake Louise + call Budget to figure it out. When I got to Lake Louise, I called the Canmore Budget office with no answer. I left them a message + also called the 1-800 number. They told me they couldn’t help me + referred me back to the Canmore office. So much for customer service!!! I was going to bust that key open myself + replace the battery, but I couldn’t get the thing open!!! I crossed my fingers + headed back on the road.

Here is Castle Mountain. If you notice the little blue speck in the field, it was this little old lady who hauled a lawn chair into the field. I think she was going to sit + paint the mountain range. How cool is that?

As the road became more remote + I lost cell reception, I started becoming really nervous. I’m sure there’s reserve battery energy in the key, but what if I got stuck in the glaciers??? I almost couldn’t enjoy the majestic beauty because I was so freaked out about this stupid battery operated key. What’s wrong with old school keys, I ask you?!?!

Finally, I reached the Num-Ti-Jah Lodge (I kept wanting to call it Kumquat Lodge) at Bow Lake. I thought to myself, “Ah! Someone will be able to help me here, + then I can reach my destination with confidence!”. To my dismay the guy at the front desk was smug + unfriendly + said he didn’t want to go against the rental company’s policies when I asked him to help me bust open the key. He was very un-Canadian + square. I’m thinking he was American. So, I wandered with my tail between my legs to the back of the hotel + repeatedly tried to call stupid Budget from the pay phone. Those jerks STILL weren’t answering the phone!!! So I made my decision to have lunch at Bow Lake + head back south east towards home. I used to be much more adventurous. My fear is all due to the fact that I have read too many books about disasters that occured from the hand of mother nature.

Perfect Storm:

Into Thin Air:

Oh yeah, + let’s not forget this one

Here’s Bow Lake. The pictures do not do it any justice. The lake was bright turquoise blue!!! The color lends itself to the fact that when the glaciers melt, they grind sediment into the meltwater. The heavier sediment sinks to the bottom of the lake, while the lighter sediment (called rock flour) reflect the blue + green light. This photo was taken by a nice German.

Dejectedly, I headed back down to Canmore. South east of Bow Lake is Crow Foot Glacier. One of it’s “toes” has melted away from global warming.

On the way home when I was able to get cell service, I called Budget Canmore + STILL NO ANSWER + NO ONE HAD CALLED ME BACK. I tried the 1-800 number again + a gal helped me probably because I was so pissed. She transferred me to a very nice gentleman in Banff. I told him about how I had plans to go to the Athabasca Glacier + had to turn around. I felt I lost a day + NEEDED TO BE COMPENSATED!!! DOUBLE SNAP + A “Z” FORMATION, Y’ALL!!! Oh, I’m sorry I’m in Canada – “ZED” FORMATION, Y’ALL!!! I was mad as a hornet!!!! He is leaving a message with the manager of the Banff + Canmore offices + hopefully I’ll get a couple of free days of car use, considering tomorrow is my last day with the fiesta.

Oh, I made use of my time by wandering around the lakes of Banff. Vermillion Lakes: