Delayed Flight Mania
Delayed flights are always a fun time to share with strangers. Especially when you’re all trapped in a tin can with wings on the runway for an hour.
All of us passengers boarded the plane + were seated with our seat belts strapped. Minutes go by, a half hour goes by. NO ANNOUNCEMENT. It’s getting warmer on the plane. People are starting to whine, I see arms reach up in desperation towards their air nozzles, maniacally twisting them back + forth as if it’s going to help. I laughed at their folly. THEY DON’T PUMP THE AIR WHEN YOU’RE ON THE RUNWAY, PEOPLE.
It’s funny because when it’s slightly warm, I freak out + complain constantly about the heat like a little sissy. But, when it’s boiling hot + I mean like 100 degrees hot, I’m like the buddha. I’m like a reptile. I sit still, breathe freakishly shallow + let the sweat drip. I do well in the desert. This is me:
And that is what I did on the plane, my friends. I closed my eyes + was zen. I might have fallen asleep a little. If there is ever a panic situation, don’t call on me, because I’ll just go in a corner + take a snooze on you, while the walls come crumbling down around us.
The feeling on the plane was like that AHmazing episode on “3o Rock” called, “Double-Edged Sword”. Liz Lemon is stuck in a plane on the runway + passengers are going completely unhinged – here she is calling for a revolt.
You wanna know what else I remembered is reeeeaaallly funny about this episode? Liz’s boss, Jack + his pregnant wife Avery are in Toronto at an economic summit. Avery’s water suddenly breaks + they have to give birth in Canada, much to their chagrin. “Yes, my daughter is Canadian-American, but I’m going to treat her just like a human baby.” is Jack’s response. HAHAAAAAAAA!!! This is when Avery warily screams:
To which Jack’s response is: “Oh no you don’t. We will not be party to this socialist perversion. You will take our money.”. Then he tells Avery, “Let’s go find a Canadian who will take our money. “. Classic!!! Oh, I can’t WAIT to bask in the glory of Canadian health care!!!!
Alright, enough of that tangent, let’s get back to MY flight. After ANOTHER half hour of waiting, an announcement FINALLY stated that due to engine malfunctions we had to deboard the plane. The lady next to me was literally about to throw up because of the heat + lack of air on the plane. We deboarded, they tried to fix the engine (sketch) + FINALLY decided switched out the plane (good call, geniuses). We waited for another flight to come in, they deboarded that one, cleaned + inspected it. By the time that process was completed, our pilot had to go off duty, so then we had to wait for ANOTHER pilot to show up. All in all, 3 HOURS my friends. Tres horas.