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Are Canadians All Lumberjacks – How to Split Firewood

Canadians are all lumberjacks.  Well this lumberjack is gonna show you the easiest way to split wood! 




A typical stereotype for the Canadian male species!  As an introduction, I have Canadian illustrator Kate Beaton’s hilarious comic strip from “Hark, A Vagrant“.  Take it away, Kate!Canadian Stereotype Part 1Canadian Stereotype Part 2

HAR HAR HAR!!!!  Check out Kate Beaton’s website – her comic strips also involve history + literature + they’re funny as hell.

When I was engaged to Jeff, Americans would actually ask me if he was a lumberjack.  I’m not kidding.

Well….he kind of is.

When he was in his 20’s he was a tree planter.  He would get dropped by helicopter into the wilds of the British Columbia forests for entire summers.Tree Planting

This winter, Jeff is obsessed with firewood.  In British Columbia, if you chop down a tree, by law you have to plant another tree.  On Craigslist there are tons of ads for free log rounds.  Jeff took many a trip with his trusty trailer collecting rounds.Firewood - 01

Oh god.  Jeff works on film sets 14 to 18 hours a day during the week.  This is what he does on the weekends.  The man does not stop, y’all.Firewood - 02

Somebody help me.

Jeff is that you?Mountain Men

Oh wait, no.  That’s one of the guys from the History Channel’s show, “Mountain Men”.  My mistake.

His brother Tom taught Jeff the most ingenious + easy way to git yerself some firewood from these leviathans.  All’s you need is a sledge hammer, this chain with a rubber bungee + a sharp splitting wedge.Firewood - 03

Roll over a big ol’ log + place it on top of another big ol’ log.Firewood - 04

Secure the chain around the circumference.Firewood - 05

Set the wedge in place.Firewood - 06

Give it a firm whack.Firewood - 08

And go to town!!!Firewood - 10

GIVE ‘ER, EH!!!!  That’s what Canucks say to provoke one to apply oneself to a task with his/her fullest vigor.  So’s ya know.  Look, swinging that hammer tippie toe style!Firewood - 11

POWER!!!!Firewood - 13

AAACK!!!!  FLYING WEDGE!!!!Firewood - 14

DANGER!!!  Good thing I was standing at a distance.  I like my toes, thank you.

After strategically placing the wedge around the log + giving it hearty whacks, this is what you’ll end up with.  Cute little neat logs.Firewood - 15

Then you just pull out the logs!Firewood - 16

TA-DAAAAA!!!!!Firewood - 17

Job well done, Jeff!!!  After some rigorous physical labor, Jeff likes to refresh himself + take a long pull of maple syrup…Firewood - 18

HAHAHAHAA!!!!  Just kidding!  I staged that photo!  Powerade for Canucks!

Well, we’ve got enough firewood to last us forever.  You’d think we lived in a cabin in the Northwest Territories.  But we don’t.  Plus, it’s been really mild this winter in Vancouver.  But Jeff loves chopping his firewood.  So I leave him to it.

20 Comments Post a comment
  1. maple syrup
    is the secret
    to chopping woods
    eh? 🙂

    January 24, 2014
  2. Nice wood splitting! I’ve seen the politeness cartoon before, which is very funny — thanks for reminding me of it.

    January 25, 2014
  3. This is hilarious – the maple syrup made me laugh like a loon.

    You know the Monty Python sketch about lumberjacks, right? 🙂

    January 25, 2014
    • Thanks for the Monty Python link! Haha!!! I haven’t seen that skit in a long time! I’m glad you liked the maple syrup bit. Should have had a Timbit in his hand at the same time!

      January 25, 2014
  4. That Jeffrey, what a funny one! You are going to be so stoked if you have a son because he’ll be a skinny bean-pole like in that vintage photo of Jeff, classic!

    January 25, 2014
    • We’re either going to get a squat, compact baby or a lean lanky baby!!! Jeff is so crazy…

      January 25, 2014
  5. Wow I actually learned something really really cool about: a) collecting free wood on craigslist (never would have thunk), and more importantly b) this kickass way to cut a log of wood!!! Thanks for such a cool post 😀

    January 25, 2014
  6. kenneth '' Dad's - Papi '' nishino #

    Hey, Nan, Jeff is da Man, your lucky he’s a hard working
    Man,…and can cut wood as well, genius stuff by Tom &
    Jeff, actually pretty brilliant way of cutt’n log’s !!!!! of course
    the added canadian maple syrup is the ticket, har har har!!!
    Ok’ie Dok’ie, take care of Baby Fayle, best 2 Jeff, luv U !!!!!

    January 26, 2014
  7. I’m impressed. It’s a cool way to split wood, and I never would have thought of this with my soft, suburbs of New Jersey-raised sensibilities. LOL Have fun burning stuff!

    January 26, 2014
  8. “After some rigorous physical labor, Jeff likes to refresh himself + take a long pull of maple syrup…”…. LOL! Best Canuck stereotype of the post. ~M.

    January 27, 2014
  9. great, i like your article and pictures so attractive and cool.Keep it up

    January 22, 2018

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