Target (Finally) Arrives in Canada!
You Yankees are going to be like, “A post about Target??? She’s completely lost the plot!”. Oh my dear friends, you can’t even know how deprived I’ve been…
When I first arrived in Canada I asked Jeff, “Do you have Target in Canada.”. I got a flat out, “No.”. I full on had a moment of:
Yeah, first world problems – I know! But no offense, Canada – a lot of the shopping options in this country make me want to cry. For realsies. It hurts me. I asked Jeff what the Canadian equivalent of Target was + his response was, “Zellers”. First of all “Zellers”??? And second of all Zellers is like sad trombone style compared to Target. Like, “Wa wa wa waaaaaaaaaaa…..”. I walked in there + went, “Oh nonononononono…NO!!!!”.
Zellers PALES in comparison to Target! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!!
Anyhooooo, I went to the grand opening of the closest Target in southern Calgary. Because that’s what you do when you live in the country. You go to the grand opening of Target. And it took me, oh….50 minutes to drive there, so again I emphasize – THAT’S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE COUNTRY. Yes, this has become my life.
I really thought heads were going to explode. People were frantically PILING stuff into their shopping carts – you would think that the apocalypse was drawing nigh. Canucks, regard this comic strip + study it well – beware the danger of the Target Vortex. Don’t say I never warned ye.
It felt like being back home seeing the ol’ Target house brands like, Gilligan + O’Malley who makes the best priced seamless modal undies – a big tip for costumers shopping in Canada for their shows!!!!
They had a crazy partition with an “usher” that guided you towards the next available cashier – because that’s how long the line was. They were very efficient because it moved really fast, much to my relief because I didn’t want to stand in line forever for a lint roller + some batteries.
For you Canucks, if you haven’t seen Kristin Wiig’s “Target Lady” get ready to be psyched, because it has now become your reality.
And for you Yankees, here’s the Target Canada commercial which is pretty cute cuz it montages through some charming Canadian scenery – although the song makes me want to poke an ice pick in my eardrums, so put it on mute if it pleases you.
Welcome to Canada, Target! You’ve heard my cry of woe + just when I was about to give up on you – you have arrived!!! Side note, y’all: I went to the Target located in the Shoppes at Shawnessy. My Target Lady very enthusiastically + proudly told me that in all of Calgary, this one is the largest + the most like an American Target in terms of layout + square footage. She was just trying to make me feel better that I live in Canada now. Sweet woman.