Juicing Is Not Recommended For The Mentally Unstable

Yes, it’s 24 hour juice fast time.  It is not a pretty scenario, people.

Here are my juicing ingredients.  Spinach (or any other dark leafy green like kale) + broccoli stems (if I’m lazy, broccoli slaw from Trader Joe’s).

Romaine lettuce.

A veggie medley of cucumbers, carrots + celery.  Yuuuuuuuuuummy!

You have to buy ALOT of deez veggies.  I mean BAGS of them.  I can go through an entire bag of spinach + the result will be a 1/4 cup of juice.  Buy LOTS of ORGANIC veggies + PRE-WASH + PRE-CUT them!!!!  I’M USING LOTS OF CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE I’M TRYING TO SOUND ENTHUSIASTIC BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE ALL I WANT TO DO IS LIE DOWN RIGHT NOW.  Yes, pre-cut + pre-wash the veglettes because throughout the day you won’t have enough energy to do it + then you’ll want to squash the whole project.  I swear.  Here is my beautiful juice.

Ew, you say?  Don’t be a naysayer!!!!!  Negativity is not allowed in this camp!!! It tastes sweet + delicious – nectar of the gods, I tell you!  My mom + dad both had a try + they exclaimed, “Mmmmm!!!!  That’s good!”.  I swear.  Anyhooo, drink one of these suckers 4 times + day + I finish off with miso soup.  I really want to tear the refrigerator apart right now but I’m trying not to think about it.

I tried to do chores + it was rrrrrrealllllllllyyyyy  diiiiiiifficuuuuuuuult.  I was going to run some errands + decided against it because: a) I didn’t want to get arrested for murdering someone + b) I didn’t want to commit involuntary manslaughter by passing out while driving + flattening a bunch of pedestrians.  Either way, I’ve saved a couple lives today by not leaving my house.

What did I do today?  Watched episodes of Modern Family on my Kindle Fire + laughed away the pain.And endlessly looked at lasagna recipes on Epicurious.

I’ve got a headache, low energy + when I think about Jeff being in Canada, I immediately want to cry.  Just an example of the all the hilarity that ensues when you do a juice cleanse!!!  Have fun!